Heroes

We relish news of our heroes, forgetting that we are extraordinary to somebody too.
Helen Hayes

It isn't all that often that I look in the mirror and think of myself as someone's hero. I very rarely throw on a cape. Last time I wore tights, I threw a dress on over top of them so as not to scare the neighbors with the sausage-like rolls of "fluff" they ensconced. And I don't own a utility belt. The closest thing I've got is a purse, and to be honest, it doesn't hold nearly as much as it used to.

However, in pondering Helen's quote, it does remind me that for at least two little people I know, I'm pretty darn extraordinary and hold Hero Potential. I hope I can live up to the expectations.

Wow. Hero Potential. How daunting. When pondering "should I have a baby?" does that concern ever pop up in those words? Can I undertake the task of being someone's hero? It didn't cross my mind really. Probably due to the fact that when I hear the word "Hero" I immediately go to Batman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman, etc. I think Marvel. Even when asked "who are your heroes?", I don't immediately think of anyone.

But I hope that one day, when my girls are in school and their teacher says "who is your hero?" that perhaps I get a shout out. I'm not confident it will happen, because ultimately their daddy is much more superhero material than I. So I'm pretty sure that their response will be daddy-themed. I'm okay with that. Because when I was little, my daddy was my hero. He kind of still is, even though he died six years ago. It's sort of the way life works...Daddies are their little girls' heroes.

It'd still be nice to think though, that I've at least done a good enough job to have the potential there...

Interpretations

There are no facts, only interpretations.
Friedrich Nietzsche

All I can say with regards to parenthood is there are definitely no facts or hard rules for it. Everything is open to interpretation. Even from kid to kid. Same gene pool, entirely different outcomes!

Last week, Brian crawled under the dining table after the two of them. Duckins was standing up at a chair "dancing" and squealing "ticka ticka ticka!" We do a lot of tickling in this family and usually accompany the tickling with actually saying "tickle tickle tickle" Who'da thunk it'd be Ducks first words?! Well besides the whole mama, dada, baba thing :)

Meanwhile, Boogins first word was "hungry". At like 3 months old. My sister said I must have been kidding, until she babysat and heard "I-GAY!" which, in Boogins terminology really did mean hungry. The minute you got her a bottle she was fine and ceased all the "I-GAY!" screaming.

Ducks is also a lot more steady on her feet. When Boogs started standing up, walking along furniture, and basically attempting to walk, she fell over CONSTANTLY. Actually, as a full out running toddler, she regularly slips and falls over. Anti-skid socks do nothing for that child. She is bound and determined to fall over. Before Ducks started standing, I honestly thought nothing of Boogs constant falling. Babies are unsteady! They're learning! They fall over. But Ducks has not been falling over really at all. I think maybe twice in the months since she started standing up. She has even figured out the logistics of getting off the couch. I pretty much always hold her hand, but she backs her feet off, and scoots herself until her feet touch the floor! She's so smart! (Not that I'm saying Boogs isn't smart because she falls down...because that kid is a genius!)

Boogs got a little pink laptop for her first birthday. It's actually for 3-5 year olds...but I wanted her to grow with it...mostly she just likes bashing about on the keys. But in a year or two we won't have to buy another one! Anyway, she finally figured out how to turn it on/off herself when she was about 14 months old. Ducks has it figured out now...at 10.5 months.

I will forever be on my toes with these two. Because Boogs got kicked out of the neonatal clinic for being so far ahead with all her milestones...even ahead of her actual age! And Ducks is even more advanced. Watch out world the Wrestler Girls are getting bigger and smarter and ready to "Stretch a Wire"

Someday I'll expound on that last bit.

Parenting...Does Anyone Know What They're Doing?

To achieve, you need thought. You have to know what you are doing and that's real power.
Ayn Rand

I had to laugh when I saw today's quote, because truth be told, when it comes to parenting, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone that's all hard core "YES! I know what I'm doing! I have the power!" Yet, if you look around there are plenty of happy, healthy adults running around, so their parents achieved something. Of course, there are plenty of miserable, sick individually running around as well, so I suppose their parents didn't achieve the desired result. And I don't even blame those parents, because honestly, they could have done everything right and the kid still turned out miserable.

If you've read any of this blog before, you know that I have two kids. Heck...just reading my byline will inform you of that. Given that they are so young, I don't want to really declare their personalities yet, HOWEVER, the past couple of days have given rise to the thought that Boogs is helpful, sweet, and generally a good natured kid (which is quite the opposite of how we felt only 6 months ago) while Ducks is miserable, screamy and a general bitch. Yes, I said it. I look forward to your letters. My husband recalls how Boogs was when she was little (ok...littlER...like 8 months) and how pleasant she was and fun and goofy. Now that Ducks is that age, it's like "geez, she's so miserable and screamy all the time!"

I don't think this will end up being Ducks' ultimate personality. Boogs was an overachiever from the get-go. Born 2 months early, popped teeth at 3 months, slept all night long at 4 months and in general hit a lot of her milestones not only ahead of when she should have for being a preemie, but ahead of other kids her actual age. Ducks is more of a "I'll do it when I get to it" kind of baby. She was born right on time. A week early by my estimated due date, but the pediatrician that checked her out in the hospital was like "this girl is more like 40 or 41 weeks" She's almost 8 months old...doesn't appear to be getting teeth ever. Only started sleeping all night around 6.5 months and even now about twice a week she wakes up. (Sometimes it seems like every night, but I know it isn't) Basically has hit all the milestones she should, but not really early at all. Basically just on time.

I said that to say that, in the early months, Boogs was miserable. She wanted to be held all the time, she wanted to be bounced, she wanted food when she wanted it and she wanted it now. God forbid there was a drop of pee...GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF. Right now, that's what we have with Ducks. That and Ducks is a lot more mommy-centric than Boogs was. I blame my boobs. Ducks uses them. Boogs didn't. So whenever I leave the room, Ducks cries. Days when I'm out of the house, she gives daddy fits. Although not always. But in general when I reappear, she gets VERY excited.

I suppose there is some amount of truth to today's quote though. In regards to parenting that is (which is all I'm addressing). You have to have knowledge of your kid. Each one differently. And when you have some knowledge of that one kid that you're handling at that particular time, you have a lot better chance of achieving that which you desire (at least in that moment). For instance, I'm about to go into the living room with a crying Ducks. I know her well enough to know, that if I want her to stop crying, basically all I have to do is pick her up. Not snuggle her, because she does NOT like snuggling. But have her sit on my knee. Or just next to me. That should achieve some quiet.

Or not...sometimes even having knowledge doesn't mean jack. 

What we see...

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin

This actually scares me some. It's fairly clear that everyone sees things differently. It's the basis for just about every argument out there. I'm not entirely sure that most people are cognizant of that fact though. I happen to be. As I said, it scares me. Because I know that what I see is often slanted in the way that I want to see it and I would rather see "it" the way it actually is and accept that and deal with it accordingly.

If I'm honest, the scariest part of this is where my kids are involved. As every mother out there, I think my two girls are the most gorgeous babies the world has ever seen. They are perfect. Boogs is blonde and blue eyed. As her hair grows out it's curly and I foresee moments where I toss my hands in the air and say "well, it'll just have to be what it is!". She's on the short side for her age, but she only started life being 14 inches, not to mention the short "gene" that her mommy brought to the table. She's so smart! Because she was 2 months early she had to be followed by the neonatal clinic. Normally they follow kids until 2 to make sure that they are developing appropriately. Boogs got "kicked out" because she was so ahead of the game. The only thing she has ever tested "at age" with is her verbal language skills...she understands beyond her age, but she's just at age with what she can say. She loves her baby sister. Most often, she shares without being asked. Annabelle is blue eyed and her hair is sort of a dark reddish brown...chestnut perhaps. She's also a bit on the short side, but no matter. She's so very smart too! While she hasn't had to be evaluated like Boogs has, obviously we've watched what she does, and we are thrilled at every milestone she reaches - usually a bit early. Thankfully she seems to love Boogs as much as Boogs loves her.

I fear however, that I'll miss something. Parents of children with autism are usually the last people to realize that their precious baby has autism. Perhaps I needlessly fret about such things. However, I'm cognizant of the fact that we default to seeing only what we want to see. I'm trying to balance a thin line between only seeing what I want to see and creating things that aren't there. I want to think that it shouldn't be too hard to do. Unfortunately I'm finding that I'm drifting towards seeing things that aren't troublesome. For example, yesterday after Boogs' nap, she was shaking. My brain immediately went to all possible neurological causes. My husband googled it and found it's entirely normal. Well that's reassuring.

I'm just hopeful that I can balance what I see with what is actually real. Also, I don't want my worrying to become a hindrance to my kids. Let them not see that part of my brain. Only the part that plays with them, reads to them, disciplines them and loves them with all I have.

What we buy...

What we buy, and pay for, is part of ourselves.
Amelia E. Barr

So I'm sure she didn't quite have food in mind, but it applies! We buy food, we eat it, and whaaaa-laaa! It's part of us :) Everyone with me there? Excellent. Onto a new quote.

Alright, fine, let's delve a little deeper. So, lately, what have I bought? Hmm...well groceries, which harkens back to my first theory that food does become us! Ok, let's avoid the whole what I bought thing. Let's just be all philosophical here.

Ultimately, I think what Amelia E. Barr was getting at was that if we look around at the things which surround us, the things that we have procured for ourselves, we can actually see a lot about ourselves. These things sort of make up who we are. Which begs the question "can you actually judge a book by it's cover?" I suppose if your "cover" is the interior of your house and someone were to walk in and look about, yeah, you can. The books you read, the video gaming system or lack thereof, the computers you own, the style of furniture you have...these things all say something about your tastes, your values, what you prioritize in life, etc.

Look about my house right now though and I HOPE you wouldn't judge me. Our house isn't finished. It's not decorated at all and mostly has toys and diapers strewn about. The kitchen chairs and the babies cribs are the only furniture that we've bought/selected. The rest is hand me downs and well, it isn't really the "cover" I'd like to portray.

Except perhaps the toys. Because let's face it...at the heart of it, who I am, is a mom. And I LOVE that! I love my little girls. Like most moms I buy them the things that they need and sometimes the things that they don't need but would like to have. And if you look at those things, what I've bought "says" that I love my babies. Although I hope and pray that they don't get the idea that the only way someone can love them is by buying them things. Obviously I will love them always, no matter how they turn out, I just hope that I can help mold who they will become by using all the arsenal I've been given.

Standing?

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Alexander Hamilton

At first I looked at this quote and thought to myself, "how in the hell can I apply this to my life or motherhood in general?" Then I took a mental step backwards and realized that there's plenty to talk about.

I grew up going to a non-denomination church. My father had been a Catholic growing up and had  taken a stance sort of against religion, finding the church to be money grubbing and hypocritical. So he rarely joined the rest of the family at church. However, he was an avid connoisseur of all History Channel documentaries on religion, the basis of Christianity, or other programming related to the spiritual. My mother was/is a die hard Christian woman. There was plenty of values and morals that were foisted upon my sister and I.

I suppose, in a way, what I got growing up was akin to "stand for God or else". That sounds slightly cynical. I don't mean it to. It's just that looking back on things, I find that I completely sympathize with my dad. I'm rather against religion. However, I can relate to the spiritual. I believe in God. I think the Bible has solid principles. For the most part I try to avoid judging people because honestly, I despise when people judge me - they aren't in the "know" with everything I'm going through and vice versa. I know I sin. And I pray. I believe that God listens and that He doesn't always answer our prayers...at least in the way that we'd like they be answered, but sometimes He does. Overall, I think God and I are on good terms.

Others might disagree. Others might say that I've fallen for a lot of things. As an example, one of my friends can't get over the fact that I didn't scoff at Dan Brown's idea that Jesus was married and had a child(ren). I don't have a problem with gay marriage. I'm not convinced that the Bible is word for word end all be all of everything - it was written by men, is really male dominated, has been translated thousands of times, and well...in general has plenty of contradictions within (last I checked, women weren't still being forced to wear hats in public...at least in the US) I'm not a die hard creationist - I always want to yell "why can't we have BOTH creationism AND evolution! it's science people! things evolve!" So, that's my big soapbox for some other time.

Anyway. I guess my conclusion on that front is that I know what I believe. But I'm also open minded to other's ideas and can be swayed. Does that mean I fall for anything? I don't think so. I don't know that I "stand" for something...at least not in a pretty little box.

Since I enjoy talking about my little babies, I've thought about how I can apply this to them. I suppose if you want to look at standing on some sort of parenting principle, I'm here to say that I've tossed out all "principles". I went into parenthood having ideas of how perfect our little babies would be and how I would never allow my children to behave this way or that. After only 17-18 months of being a mother, I've tossed out all those ideas I previously had. Well, maybe not all of them. But Boogs, in particular, has challenged how I view parenthood. It's just not all about playing with blocks and reading books and periodically sending someone to time out. We have a little girl that LOVES to be tortured. Well, I suppose tortured is a strong word. But until she was 14 months old she HAD to be spanked to sleep. Not just patted. Spanked. She loves when you toss objects at her head that bounce off (empty water bottles, stuffed books, clothes). She thinks time out is hilarious! She loves to be squished. Sometimes, when she's being especially naughty, you just have to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a cry for there's no stopping her. Any form of punishment you could think of is all fun for her.

Ok, so I think I totally got off topic with that last bit. I suppose that when it comes down to it, applying today's quote to my kids is that I want to have SOME solid principles to stand on. Like the Golden Rule. That's a pretty good place to stand. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Unless you're Boogs...then perhaps that ought to be Do unto others as Mommy would have you do...TRY, dear Boogins, TRY not to beat them! That being open minded is a really good place to "live". Don't judge others. Listen to mommy and daddy, we might not always know what we're doing, but in the moment, we're definitely doing it to make sure you are safe and loved.

And remember...no one has a bridge anywhere in this world that they can sell you.

Quote of the Day

I've added a quote of the day box to the blog. I really do enjoy writing and wanted to have some sort of focus, so I've decided to have a quote and blog about how that quote relates to my life. There's the explanation, now onto today's quote:


What a perfect first quote! History will be kind because I will write it! Ha! And here I am, writing it! Then again, I'm often unkind to myself, so I suppose it won't be that kind. But I'd like to think that at least for the history of my children, I will be kind to them. They are funny, precious individuals.

This morning Boogs spent about an hour, on and off, walking around the room with a blanket on her head. Why? Who knows what goes on in a toddler's little head?! But when I said "Boogs, what are you doing?", with a laugh, she took off the blanket and laughed at me, like it was all a big joke. She's also navigating the world of language. For weeks now she's been pointing at the door saying "itz a bow" (or at least that's what it sounds most like). We still have no idea what "bow" is. There are some dogs in the house across the street, so for awhile we thought maybe it meant dog. However, this morning we were looking at a picture of a dog on the computer and she kept saying "itz a caw", it's a cow? My sister made a good point (that I'd had as well) that her first dog was my sister's dog Sam...he's black and white and he moos. Yes, a dog that moos. So I suppose it's reasonable that she thinks that dogs are cows. Also, as a first this morning, she was talking up a storm and suddenly crossed her arms in front of her chest. Almost in that teenage-defiant way, but it was just so darn adorable!

Ducks is working on all sorts of milestones. She recently found her tongue. And so all her "talking" is over exaggerated with her tongue. La la la is a biggie. Although da da da is even bigger now. I suppose I can't be too upset that she got da da before ma ma, as Boogs got ma ma first. She's also working on moving around. She rolls all over the place, although I noticed yesterday that she favors rolling to the right - I'm not entirely sure she can roll to the left. But she's pushing up on her arms and this morning she was trying hard to get up on her knees as well. If nothing else, she's definitely scooting herself around backward.

We had our first carousel ride yesterday. Ducks and I sat on a swinging bench. Boogs attempted to ride one of the horses, but then freaked out soon after sitting atop it. We think she was tired, more than anything. So she and daddy sat on a bench. Both girls enjoyed going round and round. I adore exploring new things with them!