What we see...

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin

This actually scares me some. It's fairly clear that everyone sees things differently. It's the basis for just about every argument out there. I'm not entirely sure that most people are cognizant of that fact though. I happen to be. As I said, it scares me. Because I know that what I see is often slanted in the way that I want to see it and I would rather see "it" the way it actually is and accept that and deal with it accordingly.

If I'm honest, the scariest part of this is where my kids are involved. As every mother out there, I think my two girls are the most gorgeous babies the world has ever seen. They are perfect. Boogs is blonde and blue eyed. As her hair grows out it's curly and I foresee moments where I toss my hands in the air and say "well, it'll just have to be what it is!". She's on the short side for her age, but she only started life being 14 inches, not to mention the short "gene" that her mommy brought to the table. She's so smart! Because she was 2 months early she had to be followed by the neonatal clinic. Normally they follow kids until 2 to make sure that they are developing appropriately. Boogs got "kicked out" because she was so ahead of the game. The only thing she has ever tested "at age" with is her verbal language skills...she understands beyond her age, but she's just at age with what she can say. She loves her baby sister. Most often, she shares without being asked. Annabelle is blue eyed and her hair is sort of a dark reddish brown...chestnut perhaps. She's also a bit on the short side, but no matter. She's so very smart too! While she hasn't had to be evaluated like Boogs has, obviously we've watched what she does, and we are thrilled at every milestone she reaches - usually a bit early. Thankfully she seems to love Boogs as much as Boogs loves her.

I fear however, that I'll miss something. Parents of children with autism are usually the last people to realize that their precious baby has autism. Perhaps I needlessly fret about such things. However, I'm cognizant of the fact that we default to seeing only what we want to see. I'm trying to balance a thin line between only seeing what I want to see and creating things that aren't there. I want to think that it shouldn't be too hard to do. Unfortunately I'm finding that I'm drifting towards seeing things that aren't troublesome. For example, yesterday after Boogs' nap, she was shaking. My brain immediately went to all possible neurological causes. My husband googled it and found it's entirely normal. Well that's reassuring.

I'm just hopeful that I can balance what I see with what is actually real. Also, I don't want my worrying to become a hindrance to my kids. Let them not see that part of my brain. Only the part that plays with them, reads to them, disciplines them and loves them with all I have.