We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin
This actually scares me some. It's fairly clear that everyone sees things differently. It's the basis for just about every argument out there. I'm not entirely sure that most people are cognizant of that fact though. I happen to be. As I said, it scares me. Because I know that what I see is often slanted in the way that I want to see it and I would rather see "it" the way it actually is and accept that and deal with it accordingly.
If I'm honest, the scariest part of this is where my kids are involved. As every mother out there, I think my two girls are the most gorgeous babies the world has ever seen. They are perfect. Boogs is blonde and blue eyed. As her hair grows out it's curly and I foresee moments where I toss my hands in the air and say "well, it'll just have to be what it is!". She's on the short side for her age, but she only started life being 14 inches, not to mention the short "gene" that her mommy brought to the table. She's so smart! Because she was 2 months early she had to be followed by the neonatal clinic. Normally they follow kids until 2 to make sure that they are developing appropriately. Boogs got "kicked out" because she was so ahead of the game. The only thing she has ever tested "at age" with is her verbal language skills...she understands beyond her age, but she's just at age with what she can say. She loves her baby sister. Most often, she shares without being asked. Annabelle is blue eyed and her hair is sort of a dark reddish brown...chestnut perhaps. She's also a bit on the short side, but no matter. She's so very smart too! While she hasn't had to be evaluated like Boogs has, obviously we've watched what she does, and we are thrilled at every milestone she reaches - usually a bit early. Thankfully she seems to love Boogs as much as Boogs loves her.
I fear however, that I'll miss something. Parents of children with autism are usually the last people to realize that their precious baby has autism. Perhaps I needlessly fret about such things. However, I'm cognizant of the fact that we default to seeing only what we want to see. I'm trying to balance a thin line between only seeing what I want to see and creating things that aren't there. I want to think that it shouldn't be too hard to do. Unfortunately I'm finding that I'm drifting towards seeing things that aren't troublesome. For example, yesterday after Boogs' nap, she was shaking. My brain immediately went to all possible neurological causes. My husband googled it and found it's entirely normal. Well that's reassuring.
I'm just hopeful that I can balance what I see with what is actually real. Also, I don't want my worrying to become a hindrance to my kids. Let them not see that part of my brain. Only the part that plays with them, reads to them, disciplines them and loves them with all I have.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
What we buy...
What we buy, and pay for, is part of ourselves.
Amelia E. Barr
So I'm sure she didn't quite have food in mind, but it applies! We buy food, we eat it, and whaaaa-laaa! It's part of us :) Everyone with me there? Excellent. Onto a new quote.
Alright, fine, let's delve a little deeper. So, lately, what have I bought? Hmm...well groceries, which harkens back to my first theory that food does become us! Ok, let's avoid the whole what I bought thing. Let's just be all philosophical here.
Ultimately, I think what Amelia E. Barr was getting at was that if we look around at the things which surround us, the things that we have procured for ourselves, we can actually see a lot about ourselves. These things sort of make up who we are. Which begs the question "can you actually judge a book by it's cover?" I suppose if your "cover" is the interior of your house and someone were to walk in and look about, yeah, you can. The books you read, the video gaming system or lack thereof, the computers you own, the style of furniture you have...these things all say something about your tastes, your values, what you prioritize in life, etc.
Look about my house right now though and I HOPE you wouldn't judge me. Our house isn't finished. It's not decorated at all and mostly has toys and diapers strewn about. The kitchen chairs and the babies cribs are the only furniture that we've bought/selected. The rest is hand me downs and well, it isn't really the "cover" I'd like to portray.
Except perhaps the toys. Because let's face it...at the heart of it, who I am, is a mom. And I LOVE that! I love my little girls. Like most moms I buy them the things that they need and sometimes the things that they don't need but would like to have. And if you look at those things, what I've bought "says" that I love my babies. Although I hope and pray that they don't get the idea that the only way someone can love them is by buying them things. Obviously I will love them always, no matter how they turn out, I just hope that I can help mold who they will become by using all the arsenal I've been given.
Amelia E. Barr
So I'm sure she didn't quite have food in mind, but it applies! We buy food, we eat it, and whaaaa-laaa! It's part of us :) Everyone with me there? Excellent. Onto a new quote.
Alright, fine, let's delve a little deeper. So, lately, what have I bought? Hmm...well groceries, which harkens back to my first theory that food does become us! Ok, let's avoid the whole what I bought thing. Let's just be all philosophical here.
Ultimately, I think what Amelia E. Barr was getting at was that if we look around at the things which surround us, the things that we have procured for ourselves, we can actually see a lot about ourselves. These things sort of make up who we are. Which begs the question "can you actually judge a book by it's cover?" I suppose if your "cover" is the interior of your house and someone were to walk in and look about, yeah, you can. The books you read, the video gaming system or lack thereof, the computers you own, the style of furniture you have...these things all say something about your tastes, your values, what you prioritize in life, etc.
Look about my house right now though and I HOPE you wouldn't judge me. Our house isn't finished. It's not decorated at all and mostly has toys and diapers strewn about. The kitchen chairs and the babies cribs are the only furniture that we've bought/selected. The rest is hand me downs and well, it isn't really the "cover" I'd like to portray.
Except perhaps the toys. Because let's face it...at the heart of it, who I am, is a mom. And I LOVE that! I love my little girls. Like most moms I buy them the things that they need and sometimes the things that they don't need but would like to have. And if you look at those things, what I've bought "says" that I love my babies. Although I hope and pray that they don't get the idea that the only way someone can love them is by buying them things. Obviously I will love them always, no matter how they turn out, I just hope that I can help mold who they will become by using all the arsenal I've been given.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Standing?
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Alexander Hamilton
At first I looked at this quote and thought to myself, "how in the hell can I apply this to my life or motherhood in general?" Then I took a mental step backwards and realized that there's plenty to talk about.
I grew up going to a non-denomination church. My father had been a Catholic growing up and had taken a stance sort of against religion, finding the church to be money grubbing and hypocritical. So he rarely joined the rest of the family at church. However, he was an avid connoisseur of all History Channel documentaries on religion, the basis of Christianity, or other programming related to the spiritual. My mother was/is a die hard Christian woman. There was plenty of values and morals that were foisted upon my sister and I.
I suppose, in a way, what I got growing up was akin to "stand for God or else". That sounds slightly cynical. I don't mean it to. It's just that looking back on things, I find that I completely sympathize with my dad. I'm rather against religion. However, I can relate to the spiritual. I believe in God. I think the Bible has solid principles. For the most part I try to avoid judging people because honestly, I despise when people judge me - they aren't in the "know" with everything I'm going through and vice versa. I know I sin. And I pray. I believe that God listens and that He doesn't always answer our prayers...at least in the way that we'd like they be answered, but sometimes He does. Overall, I think God and I are on good terms.
Others might disagree. Others might say that I've fallen for a lot of things. As an example, one of my friends can't get over the fact that I didn't scoff at Dan Brown's idea that Jesus was married and had a child(ren). I don't have a problem with gay marriage. I'm not convinced that the Bible is word for word end all be all of everything - it was written by men, is really male dominated, has been translated thousands of times, and well...in general has plenty of contradictions within (last I checked, women weren't still being forced to wear hats in public...at least in the US) I'm not a die hard creationist - I always want to yell "why can't we have BOTH creationism AND evolution! it's science people! things evolve!" So, that's my big soapbox for some other time.
Anyway. I guess my conclusion on that front is that I know what I believe. But I'm also open minded to other's ideas and can be swayed. Does that mean I fall for anything? I don't think so. I don't know that I "stand" for something...at least not in a pretty little box.
Since I enjoy talking about my little babies, I've thought about how I can apply this to them. I suppose if you want to look at standing on some sort of parenting principle, I'm here to say that I've tossed out all "principles". I went into parenthood having ideas of how perfect our little babies would be and how I would never allow my children to behave this way or that. After only 17-18 months of being a mother, I've tossed out all those ideas I previously had. Well, maybe not all of them. But Boogs, in particular, has challenged how I view parenthood. It's just not all about playing with blocks and reading books and periodically sending someone to time out. We have a little girl that LOVES to be tortured. Well, I suppose tortured is a strong word. But until she was 14 months old she HAD to be spanked to sleep. Not just patted. Spanked. She loves when you toss objects at her head that bounce off (empty water bottles, stuffed books, clothes). She thinks time out is hilarious! She loves to be squished. Sometimes, when she's being especially naughty, you just have to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a cry for there's no stopping her. Any form of punishment you could think of is all fun for her.
Ok, so I think I totally got off topic with that last bit. I suppose that when it comes down to it, applying today's quote to my kids is that I want to have SOME solid principles to stand on. Like the Golden Rule. That's a pretty good place to stand. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Unless you're Boogs...then perhaps that ought to be Do unto others as Mommy would have you do...TRY, dear Boogins, TRY not to beat them! That being open minded is a really good place to "live". Don't judge others. Listen to mommy and daddy, we might not always know what we're doing, but in the moment, we're definitely doing it to make sure you are safe and loved.
And remember...no one has a bridge anywhere in this world that they can sell you.
Alexander Hamilton
At first I looked at this quote and thought to myself, "how in the hell can I apply this to my life or motherhood in general?" Then I took a mental step backwards and realized that there's plenty to talk about.
I grew up going to a non-denomination church. My father had been a Catholic growing up and had taken a stance sort of against religion, finding the church to be money grubbing and hypocritical. So he rarely joined the rest of the family at church. However, he was an avid connoisseur of all History Channel documentaries on religion, the basis of Christianity, or other programming related to the spiritual. My mother was/is a die hard Christian woman. There was plenty of values and morals that were foisted upon my sister and I.
I suppose, in a way, what I got growing up was akin to "stand for God or else". That sounds slightly cynical. I don't mean it to. It's just that looking back on things, I find that I completely sympathize with my dad. I'm rather against religion. However, I can relate to the spiritual. I believe in God. I think the Bible has solid principles. For the most part I try to avoid judging people because honestly, I despise when people judge me - they aren't in the "know" with everything I'm going through and vice versa. I know I sin. And I pray. I believe that God listens and that He doesn't always answer our prayers...at least in the way that we'd like they be answered, but sometimes He does. Overall, I think God and I are on good terms.
Others might disagree. Others might say that I've fallen for a lot of things. As an example, one of my friends can't get over the fact that I didn't scoff at Dan Brown's idea that Jesus was married and had a child(ren). I don't have a problem with gay marriage. I'm not convinced that the Bible is word for word end all be all of everything - it was written by men, is really male dominated, has been translated thousands of times, and well...in general has plenty of contradictions within (last I checked, women weren't still being forced to wear hats in public...at least in the US) I'm not a die hard creationist - I always want to yell "why can't we have BOTH creationism AND evolution! it's science people! things evolve!" So, that's my big soapbox for some other time.
Anyway. I guess my conclusion on that front is that I know what I believe. But I'm also open minded to other's ideas and can be swayed. Does that mean I fall for anything? I don't think so. I don't know that I "stand" for something...at least not in a pretty little box.
Since I enjoy talking about my little babies, I've thought about how I can apply this to them. I suppose if you want to look at standing on some sort of parenting principle, I'm here to say that I've tossed out all "principles". I went into parenthood having ideas of how perfect our little babies would be and how I would never allow my children to behave this way or that. After only 17-18 months of being a mother, I've tossed out all those ideas I previously had. Well, maybe not all of them. But Boogs, in particular, has challenged how I view parenthood. It's just not all about playing with blocks and reading books and periodically sending someone to time out. We have a little girl that LOVES to be tortured. Well, I suppose tortured is a strong word. But until she was 14 months old she HAD to be spanked to sleep. Not just patted. Spanked. She loves when you toss objects at her head that bounce off (empty water bottles, stuffed books, clothes). She thinks time out is hilarious! She loves to be squished. Sometimes, when she's being especially naughty, you just have to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a cry for there's no stopping her. Any form of punishment you could think of is all fun for her.
Ok, so I think I totally got off topic with that last bit. I suppose that when it comes down to it, applying today's quote to my kids is that I want to have SOME solid principles to stand on. Like the Golden Rule. That's a pretty good place to stand. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Unless you're Boogs...then perhaps that ought to be Do unto others as Mommy would have you do...TRY, dear Boogins, TRY not to beat them! That being open minded is a really good place to "live". Don't judge others. Listen to mommy and daddy, we might not always know what we're doing, but in the moment, we're definitely doing it to make sure you are safe and loved.
And remember...no one has a bridge anywhere in this world that they can sell you.
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