Heroes

We relish news of our heroes, forgetting that we are extraordinary to somebody too.
Helen Hayes

It isn't all that often that I look in the mirror and think of myself as someone's hero. I very rarely throw on a cape. Last time I wore tights, I threw a dress on over top of them so as not to scare the neighbors with the sausage-like rolls of "fluff" they ensconced. And I don't own a utility belt. The closest thing I've got is a purse, and to be honest, it doesn't hold nearly as much as it used to.

However, in pondering Helen's quote, it does remind me that for at least two little people I know, I'm pretty darn extraordinary and hold Hero Potential. I hope I can live up to the expectations.

Wow. Hero Potential. How daunting. When pondering "should I have a baby?" does that concern ever pop up in those words? Can I undertake the task of being someone's hero? It didn't cross my mind really. Probably due to the fact that when I hear the word "Hero" I immediately go to Batman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman, etc. I think Marvel. Even when asked "who are your heroes?", I don't immediately think of anyone.

But I hope that one day, when my girls are in school and their teacher says "who is your hero?" that perhaps I get a shout out. I'm not confident it will happen, because ultimately their daddy is much more superhero material than I. So I'm pretty sure that their response will be daddy-themed. I'm okay with that. Because when I was little, my daddy was my hero. He kind of still is, even though he died six years ago. It's sort of the way life works...Daddies are their little girls' heroes.

It'd still be nice to think though, that I've at least done a good enough job to have the potential there...

Interpretations

There are no facts, only interpretations.
Friedrich Nietzsche

All I can say with regards to parenthood is there are definitely no facts or hard rules for it. Everything is open to interpretation. Even from kid to kid. Same gene pool, entirely different outcomes!

Last week, Brian crawled under the dining table after the two of them. Duckins was standing up at a chair "dancing" and squealing "ticka ticka ticka!" We do a lot of tickling in this family and usually accompany the tickling with actually saying "tickle tickle tickle" Who'da thunk it'd be Ducks first words?! Well besides the whole mama, dada, baba thing :)

Meanwhile, Boogins first word was "hungry". At like 3 months old. My sister said I must have been kidding, until she babysat and heard "I-GAY!" which, in Boogins terminology really did mean hungry. The minute you got her a bottle she was fine and ceased all the "I-GAY!" screaming.

Ducks is also a lot more steady on her feet. When Boogs started standing up, walking along furniture, and basically attempting to walk, she fell over CONSTANTLY. Actually, as a full out running toddler, she regularly slips and falls over. Anti-skid socks do nothing for that child. She is bound and determined to fall over. Before Ducks started standing, I honestly thought nothing of Boogs constant falling. Babies are unsteady! They're learning! They fall over. But Ducks has not been falling over really at all. I think maybe twice in the months since she started standing up. She has even figured out the logistics of getting off the couch. I pretty much always hold her hand, but she backs her feet off, and scoots herself until her feet touch the floor! She's so smart! (Not that I'm saying Boogs isn't smart because she falls down...because that kid is a genius!)

Boogs got a little pink laptop for her first birthday. It's actually for 3-5 year olds...but I wanted her to grow with it...mostly she just likes bashing about on the keys. But in a year or two we won't have to buy another one! Anyway, she finally figured out how to turn it on/off herself when she was about 14 months old. Ducks has it figured out now...at 10.5 months.

I will forever be on my toes with these two. Because Boogs got kicked out of the neonatal clinic for being so far ahead with all her milestones...even ahead of her actual age! And Ducks is even more advanced. Watch out world the Wrestler Girls are getting bigger and smarter and ready to "Stretch a Wire"

Someday I'll expound on that last bit.

Parenting...Does Anyone Know What They're Doing?

To achieve, you need thought. You have to know what you are doing and that's real power.
Ayn Rand

I had to laugh when I saw today's quote, because truth be told, when it comes to parenting, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone that's all hard core "YES! I know what I'm doing! I have the power!" Yet, if you look around there are plenty of happy, healthy adults running around, so their parents achieved something. Of course, there are plenty of miserable, sick individually running around as well, so I suppose their parents didn't achieve the desired result. And I don't even blame those parents, because honestly, they could have done everything right and the kid still turned out miserable.

If you've read any of this blog before, you know that I have two kids. Heck...just reading my byline will inform you of that. Given that they are so young, I don't want to really declare their personalities yet, HOWEVER, the past couple of days have given rise to the thought that Boogs is helpful, sweet, and generally a good natured kid (which is quite the opposite of how we felt only 6 months ago) while Ducks is miserable, screamy and a general bitch. Yes, I said it. I look forward to your letters. My husband recalls how Boogs was when she was little (ok...littlER...like 8 months) and how pleasant she was and fun and goofy. Now that Ducks is that age, it's like "geez, she's so miserable and screamy all the time!"

I don't think this will end up being Ducks' ultimate personality. Boogs was an overachiever from the get-go. Born 2 months early, popped teeth at 3 months, slept all night long at 4 months and in general hit a lot of her milestones not only ahead of when she should have for being a preemie, but ahead of other kids her actual age. Ducks is more of a "I'll do it when I get to it" kind of baby. She was born right on time. A week early by my estimated due date, but the pediatrician that checked her out in the hospital was like "this girl is more like 40 or 41 weeks" She's almost 8 months old...doesn't appear to be getting teeth ever. Only started sleeping all night around 6.5 months and even now about twice a week she wakes up. (Sometimes it seems like every night, but I know it isn't) Basically has hit all the milestones she should, but not really early at all. Basically just on time.

I said that to say that, in the early months, Boogs was miserable. She wanted to be held all the time, she wanted to be bounced, she wanted food when she wanted it and she wanted it now. God forbid there was a drop of pee...GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF. Right now, that's what we have with Ducks. That and Ducks is a lot more mommy-centric than Boogs was. I blame my boobs. Ducks uses them. Boogs didn't. So whenever I leave the room, Ducks cries. Days when I'm out of the house, she gives daddy fits. Although not always. But in general when I reappear, she gets VERY excited.

I suppose there is some amount of truth to today's quote though. In regards to parenting that is (which is all I'm addressing). You have to have knowledge of your kid. Each one differently. And when you have some knowledge of that one kid that you're handling at that particular time, you have a lot better chance of achieving that which you desire (at least in that moment). For instance, I'm about to go into the living room with a crying Ducks. I know her well enough to know, that if I want her to stop crying, basically all I have to do is pick her up. Not snuggle her, because she does NOT like snuggling. But have her sit on my knee. Or just next to me. That should achieve some quiet.

Or not...sometimes even having knowledge doesn't mean jack. 

What we see...

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin

This actually scares me some. It's fairly clear that everyone sees things differently. It's the basis for just about every argument out there. I'm not entirely sure that most people are cognizant of that fact though. I happen to be. As I said, it scares me. Because I know that what I see is often slanted in the way that I want to see it and I would rather see "it" the way it actually is and accept that and deal with it accordingly.

If I'm honest, the scariest part of this is where my kids are involved. As every mother out there, I think my two girls are the most gorgeous babies the world has ever seen. They are perfect. Boogs is blonde and blue eyed. As her hair grows out it's curly and I foresee moments where I toss my hands in the air and say "well, it'll just have to be what it is!". She's on the short side for her age, but she only started life being 14 inches, not to mention the short "gene" that her mommy brought to the table. She's so smart! Because she was 2 months early she had to be followed by the neonatal clinic. Normally they follow kids until 2 to make sure that they are developing appropriately. Boogs got "kicked out" because she was so ahead of the game. The only thing she has ever tested "at age" with is her verbal language skills...she understands beyond her age, but she's just at age with what she can say. She loves her baby sister. Most often, she shares without being asked. Annabelle is blue eyed and her hair is sort of a dark reddish brown...chestnut perhaps. She's also a bit on the short side, but no matter. She's so very smart too! While she hasn't had to be evaluated like Boogs has, obviously we've watched what she does, and we are thrilled at every milestone she reaches - usually a bit early. Thankfully she seems to love Boogs as much as Boogs loves her.

I fear however, that I'll miss something. Parents of children with autism are usually the last people to realize that their precious baby has autism. Perhaps I needlessly fret about such things. However, I'm cognizant of the fact that we default to seeing only what we want to see. I'm trying to balance a thin line between only seeing what I want to see and creating things that aren't there. I want to think that it shouldn't be too hard to do. Unfortunately I'm finding that I'm drifting towards seeing things that aren't troublesome. For example, yesterday after Boogs' nap, she was shaking. My brain immediately went to all possible neurological causes. My husband googled it and found it's entirely normal. Well that's reassuring.

I'm just hopeful that I can balance what I see with what is actually real. Also, I don't want my worrying to become a hindrance to my kids. Let them not see that part of my brain. Only the part that plays with them, reads to them, disciplines them and loves them with all I have.

What we buy...

What we buy, and pay for, is part of ourselves.
Amelia E. Barr

So I'm sure she didn't quite have food in mind, but it applies! We buy food, we eat it, and whaaaa-laaa! It's part of us :) Everyone with me there? Excellent. Onto a new quote.

Alright, fine, let's delve a little deeper. So, lately, what have I bought? Hmm...well groceries, which harkens back to my first theory that food does become us! Ok, let's avoid the whole what I bought thing. Let's just be all philosophical here.

Ultimately, I think what Amelia E. Barr was getting at was that if we look around at the things which surround us, the things that we have procured for ourselves, we can actually see a lot about ourselves. These things sort of make up who we are. Which begs the question "can you actually judge a book by it's cover?" I suppose if your "cover" is the interior of your house and someone were to walk in and look about, yeah, you can. The books you read, the video gaming system or lack thereof, the computers you own, the style of furniture you have...these things all say something about your tastes, your values, what you prioritize in life, etc.

Look about my house right now though and I HOPE you wouldn't judge me. Our house isn't finished. It's not decorated at all and mostly has toys and diapers strewn about. The kitchen chairs and the babies cribs are the only furniture that we've bought/selected. The rest is hand me downs and well, it isn't really the "cover" I'd like to portray.

Except perhaps the toys. Because let's face it...at the heart of it, who I am, is a mom. And I LOVE that! I love my little girls. Like most moms I buy them the things that they need and sometimes the things that they don't need but would like to have. And if you look at those things, what I've bought "says" that I love my babies. Although I hope and pray that they don't get the idea that the only way someone can love them is by buying them things. Obviously I will love them always, no matter how they turn out, I just hope that I can help mold who they will become by using all the arsenal I've been given.

Standing?

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Alexander Hamilton

At first I looked at this quote and thought to myself, "how in the hell can I apply this to my life or motherhood in general?" Then I took a mental step backwards and realized that there's plenty to talk about.

I grew up going to a non-denomination church. My father had been a Catholic growing up and had  taken a stance sort of against religion, finding the church to be money grubbing and hypocritical. So he rarely joined the rest of the family at church. However, he was an avid connoisseur of all History Channel documentaries on religion, the basis of Christianity, or other programming related to the spiritual. My mother was/is a die hard Christian woman. There was plenty of values and morals that were foisted upon my sister and I.

I suppose, in a way, what I got growing up was akin to "stand for God or else". That sounds slightly cynical. I don't mean it to. It's just that looking back on things, I find that I completely sympathize with my dad. I'm rather against religion. However, I can relate to the spiritual. I believe in God. I think the Bible has solid principles. For the most part I try to avoid judging people because honestly, I despise when people judge me - they aren't in the "know" with everything I'm going through and vice versa. I know I sin. And I pray. I believe that God listens and that He doesn't always answer our prayers...at least in the way that we'd like they be answered, but sometimes He does. Overall, I think God and I are on good terms.

Others might disagree. Others might say that I've fallen for a lot of things. As an example, one of my friends can't get over the fact that I didn't scoff at Dan Brown's idea that Jesus was married and had a child(ren). I don't have a problem with gay marriage. I'm not convinced that the Bible is word for word end all be all of everything - it was written by men, is really male dominated, has been translated thousands of times, and well...in general has plenty of contradictions within (last I checked, women weren't still being forced to wear hats in public...at least in the US) I'm not a die hard creationist - I always want to yell "why can't we have BOTH creationism AND evolution! it's science people! things evolve!" So, that's my big soapbox for some other time.

Anyway. I guess my conclusion on that front is that I know what I believe. But I'm also open minded to other's ideas and can be swayed. Does that mean I fall for anything? I don't think so. I don't know that I "stand" for something...at least not in a pretty little box.

Since I enjoy talking about my little babies, I've thought about how I can apply this to them. I suppose if you want to look at standing on some sort of parenting principle, I'm here to say that I've tossed out all "principles". I went into parenthood having ideas of how perfect our little babies would be and how I would never allow my children to behave this way or that. After only 17-18 months of being a mother, I've tossed out all those ideas I previously had. Well, maybe not all of them. But Boogs, in particular, has challenged how I view parenthood. It's just not all about playing with blocks and reading books and periodically sending someone to time out. We have a little girl that LOVES to be tortured. Well, I suppose tortured is a strong word. But until she was 14 months old she HAD to be spanked to sleep. Not just patted. Spanked. She loves when you toss objects at her head that bounce off (empty water bottles, stuffed books, clothes). She thinks time out is hilarious! She loves to be squished. Sometimes, when she's being especially naughty, you just have to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a cry for there's no stopping her. Any form of punishment you could think of is all fun for her.

Ok, so I think I totally got off topic with that last bit. I suppose that when it comes down to it, applying today's quote to my kids is that I want to have SOME solid principles to stand on. Like the Golden Rule. That's a pretty good place to stand. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Unless you're Boogs...then perhaps that ought to be Do unto others as Mommy would have you do...TRY, dear Boogins, TRY not to beat them! That being open minded is a really good place to "live". Don't judge others. Listen to mommy and daddy, we might not always know what we're doing, but in the moment, we're definitely doing it to make sure you are safe and loved.

And remember...no one has a bridge anywhere in this world that they can sell you.

Quote of the Day

I've added a quote of the day box to the blog. I really do enjoy writing and wanted to have some sort of focus, so I've decided to have a quote and blog about how that quote relates to my life. There's the explanation, now onto today's quote:


What a perfect first quote! History will be kind because I will write it! Ha! And here I am, writing it! Then again, I'm often unkind to myself, so I suppose it won't be that kind. But I'd like to think that at least for the history of my children, I will be kind to them. They are funny, precious individuals.

This morning Boogs spent about an hour, on and off, walking around the room with a blanket on her head. Why? Who knows what goes on in a toddler's little head?! But when I said "Boogs, what are you doing?", with a laugh, she took off the blanket and laughed at me, like it was all a big joke. She's also navigating the world of language. For weeks now she's been pointing at the door saying "itz a bow" (or at least that's what it sounds most like). We still have no idea what "bow" is. There are some dogs in the house across the street, so for awhile we thought maybe it meant dog. However, this morning we were looking at a picture of a dog on the computer and she kept saying "itz a caw", it's a cow? My sister made a good point (that I'd had as well) that her first dog was my sister's dog Sam...he's black and white and he moos. Yes, a dog that moos. So I suppose it's reasonable that she thinks that dogs are cows. Also, as a first this morning, she was talking up a storm and suddenly crossed her arms in front of her chest. Almost in that teenage-defiant way, but it was just so darn adorable!

Ducks is working on all sorts of milestones. She recently found her tongue. And so all her "talking" is over exaggerated with her tongue. La la la is a biggie. Although da da da is even bigger now. I suppose I can't be too upset that she got da da before ma ma, as Boogs got ma ma first. She's also working on moving around. She rolls all over the place, although I noticed yesterday that she favors rolling to the right - I'm not entirely sure she can roll to the left. But she's pushing up on her arms and this morning she was trying hard to get up on her knees as well. If nothing else, she's definitely scooting herself around backward.

We had our first carousel ride yesterday. Ducks and I sat on a swinging bench. Boogs attempted to ride one of the horses, but then freaked out soon after sitting atop it. We think she was tired, more than anything. So she and daddy sat on a bench. Both girls enjoyed going round and round. I adore exploring new things with them!

Sleep

On Tuesday morning my husband informed me that Ducks was going into her crib in the room with Boogs that night. He was then going to tie me to the bed so that I didn't get up and get her every 5 minutes. It was time that she learned how to sleep for the night. He then proceeded to put together her crib reinforcing that it would happen. Now, she's been a fairly good sleeper for the most part anyway. But we'd have to get up a couple times a night to hit the vibrator on the bed (really...who can blame her?!) and stick her woobie back in her mouth. And once a night, she'd eat. For 3.5 months old, I thought that was pretty good.

Apparently though, I'm violent when I have to get up at night. On Monday night I had (I'm told) thrown a blanket and then looked about like I was going to throw Ducks. I would never throw her. She's my baby Ducks! But I will admit that after getting up and down five times I was frustrated. So to some extent I guess I was ok with the idea of putting her in her room.

After the crib was put together, Ducks did take a nap in it and seemed to drift off without problem. Then sleep for an hour and 20 minutes. The exact amount of time we said she should nap. It appeared things would go without a hitch! Tuesday night, she ate her "last" meal around 9:30 and then went to her bed. No crying, she just fell asleep. Around 4am she woke up, and I tried to just give her a woobie and turn on the glowworm, but that didn't work. I knew she was hungry. Brian fought me on feeding her, but clearly that was the only thing that would soothe her. And really...she's 3.5 months old and breastfed...many breastfed babies get up more than once at night to eat. So he finally said (angrily) "do what you want" and so I fed her and she went right back to sleep afterward...in her bed.

Yesterday, Brian said he was very proud of her, because she napped in her crib without problem whenever he put her in. And then last night we basically repeated Tuesday night, with feeding, then sleeping in her bed. She got up at 3 am, and I didn't even attempt anything else...I just went ahead and fed her...although she ate while pretty much still asleep...so I don't know that that was the best way to go about it, but then again, when she was done eating, back to her crib and she slept the rest of the early morning time!

And I got sleep! Granted it probably helps that the past two nights I was also asleep by 10-10:30 and not 11:30-12 like the past month or two. But contrary to my "needs" as a mommy to have my baby Ducks right by me, my baby Ducks is big enough to sleep in her own bed in her own room now and she's doing so very well. *sigh* Time goes too quickly sometimes and babies get too big too fast.

Why God WHY

Boogins has taken to eating the rug at the front door. It's one of those basic black mats with a rubber bottom. She thinks the rubberized bottom is the best snack. I've chased her away from it no less than 5 times today. What has she then taken up? Oh, my sneaker. Ooooooo! Sneakers are tasty! Chase her off that and she's on to my black flats. Arg! I finally managed to wrangle all the shoes from her mouth, but now she's toting about a cereal bar wrapper that she snatched. There's no need to buy this child toys...she prefers to play with the pot pie box! Oh a kitchen hand towel. Which I just caught her wearing on her head, only deterred by running into the playpen and falling over. But getting right back up and putting the towel back on her head. I really can't wait to hear all the funny things that she's going to say.

Ummm...I don't want to be disrepectful but...

So this Sunday we made a run to BJs Warehouse for some tissues. The entire family is sick with a cold. Tissues were needed. So were hot wings, but for an entirely different reason. A huge chunk of cash later we were headed home. I'm driving down a street I lived on briefly, a street my sister lives on and I've driven down like 9 bazillion times. I know the street, is all I'm saying. We pass a funeral. And suddenly there are blue flashers in my rearview. Why would this lovely police officer pull me over? I know I wasn't speeding, I slowed down especially for the funeral! Anyway, the very nice officer comes up to my window and states that she pulled me over because I did not stop at the stop sign at Ohio and Park. First, I'm confused because I don't recall a stop sign anywhere on this particular stretch of street. And if there had been a stop sign I know I stopped at it! But apparently I didn't, and it couldn't even be considered a California stop. I'm confused and my brain is spinning while she's asking if my van is registered to me. Yes. Do you have your license and registration. Well yes, but the license is in the back of the van, I can get it if you like. No, too much of a hassle. Name. Date of birth. She'll be right back. Ok. She saunters to her cruiser and I look at my husband with a very puzzled look. He's equally as puzzled. The nice officer comes back and says she's just going to give me a warning. Make sure that I come to a complete stop at all stop signs. Yes ma'am. Thank you ma'am. Have a nice evening.

I was tempted to turn the corner and go back to see if there was a stop sign, but don't want to risk the chance of running it again! So we go on home. And I call my sister and she thinks that possibly "The Emperor's New Stop Sign" is out. The hubs looks up a map online and as it turns out Park runs PARALLEL to Ohio!


Today I drove that stretch of road again. Careful to be on the lookout for the invisible stop sign at the invisible corner. I mean really...I don't want to be disrespectful, but was she just checking me out?

Funny

Sadly, I realized that in general I am not funny. I so want to be. However, I am only accidentally funny. This ultimately was brought to my attention my sophomore year of college. A group of us were hanging out, and honestly, I don't even recall the conversation, but I blurted out "party til she looks drunk" Wherein suddenly the room got very quiet as everyone processed my blunder and then laughed uproariously at me. A couple weeks ago, my sister and I were in Walmart and I was showing her these "new" (finger)nail stickers. There are 16 in a pack. I exclaimed "can you believe this?! They only give you 16 and you have 20 fingers!" Mind you...I'd had this thought 2 days earlier when I saw them by myself. And in that 2 days, I didn't rationalize that out. My sister meanwhile looked at me quizzically and said "how many fingers do you have?" and then laughed hysterically at me. *sigh* Well, at least I've got some amount of funny in me. I guess that counts for something.

I suppose you want your other boob now?

I had a realization this morning that my boobs are not my own. Sure, they're attached to me. I carry them around all day. Which, mind you, is not an easy task. I was ABUNDANTLY blessed in the boob department. I know there's that saying that you want what you can't have...so women with tiny boobs want huge boobs and women with huge boobs want tiny boobs. Yeah yeah...it's true. While I wouldn't want tiny boobs, I would like less boob. I've also had plenty of people tell me that if I lost weight the boobs would shrink. I have yet to see that happen! I'm blessed in that I've just had two babies and have lost like 70 pounds since the height of my weight gain with the first pregnancy (the heaviest I have ever been and never want to be again). Have my boobs shrunk? Not one iota. My bandwidth has shrunk by like 4 inches, but the boobs themselves still occupy the entire cup in full.

A week or two or three ago Rachel Ray had an episode dedicated to bras. Women that were considering breast augmentation came on and were fitted with a bra and suddenly none of them wanted surgery anymore! Mind you most of these ladies all wanted bigger boobs. With a good fitting bra, they didn't want/need surgery anymore. That was not so surprising. I can spot a bad bra from a mile away. Perhaps I should be a "bra whisperer" myself, as I'm so skilled at spotting bad fits and knowing just how to correct it. Not to mention that it is one of the tenants of my life that a good fitting bra, that a sexy looking bra, can give any woman a major confidence boost. You could be wearing a nun's attire and still feel sexy if you're wearing a red lacy bra. Rachel did have one woman on that wanted a breast reduction. The surprising factor here was that after her bra fit she felt fine with her boobs and no longer wanted a reduction. Bullshit is all I have to say to that. Now, she was a good two cup sizes smaller than me, and perhaps she felt she could deal with it. But having carried around these jugs for 20 years (granted they weren't this large for the whole time) I can attest that no bra out there would make me want to keep lugging them around for another 20 years. The problem with that idea lies in the ability to find and afford a bra that fits. Especially nursing bras!

And this is where my problem really reared it's head. When I was free of lactation, my bras fit. They weren't easy to find...in fact I've only found one store that has bras that fit me well and aren't $900 each. They're $40. I suppose this isn't ridiculous, it's possibly quite reasonable. Except when you see bras in Walmart for $10. Oh to have tiny boobs that don't need Fort Knox type support and storm flag sized bolts of fabric to make. Now that I'm feeding a small human with my boobs, I've found it necessary to find a nursing bra with even a small amount of support. What I've found however has been a bizarre inverse situation. It appears that the larger your boobs are the less support you need in the nursing bra category. Women with tiny boobs can have wires and full coverage and a variety of colors! Women with huge boobs have the option of a sports bra type ordeal that comes in L, XL type sizes. I'm sorry, but when your chest is 3x sized, no flimsy piece of fabric is gonna do anything for you! Especially if the cups just have a wrap style to them. "Hey stranger! I'm bending over! Here's a boob for your viewing pleasure!" Yeah. It's pretty pointless even for sleeping in.

Thank God for http://www.ebay.com/ though! Because just sticking in a google search for your bra size yields an insane cacophany of websites that don't even offer your actual size. Frustrating much? But with eBay, you can put in your bra size and their search will actually yield results with your size! Amazing. My only suggestion though is to be advised if you're an American and ordering a bra from England. If you think you'll have full coverage...it's best to order the next cup size up. I found that out the hard way, although amusing. It turns out to be too strenuous to return the bra, so the hubby and I have dubbed it my porn bra. It's only for home use, because it's very pretty, but not supportive and well, the demi portion of it BARELY covers my nipple. The lacy part above that (making it "full coverage") sort of makes me have quad boob, which I find annoying, but Brian says makes him feel like he's sleeping with Billie Piper. I hope that's a good thing! However, after the British Bra of Porn, I went back to eBay and found a Medela bra (which I couldn't even find on the Medela website - at least in my size) with wide straps and an underwire and full coverage and I'm giddy with excitement for it's arrival. It's still flesh colored and boring, but at this point, if it fits and is remotely supportive I will dance in the street. For that will at least make me feel a little like these things attached to me can be managed.

Now, back to where this post began in the first place. (Wow, I just might have an ADD problem afterall!) These things on the front of me aren't mine. They belong to the three other people in the house and my sister. I'll start with the strangest one first...my sister. She's two and a half years younger than me, but quite a bit taller. However, my boobs are her personal pillows. Whenever we get together we hug and her head goes right to the boobs. Apparently they're just the cuddliest. Then there's my husband. Do I really need to ellaborate there? Then Boogins...she never found them useful, she refused to breastfeed, but instead has found boobs to be for entertainment. Granted she finds all boobs fun, not just mine. She motorboats them, pulls down shirts to see them, etc. Ah, our little lesbian. (yes, we joke...but if she turns out to be, we'll love her and be fine with it) Mostly though, at least for the moment, my boobs belong to Annabelle. Do not try to tell her otherwise. She will fight you and she will win. She might be tiny, but do not mess with her when it comes to her boobs. We went to the pediatrician for her 2 month baby well check and she stared at my boobs for half of the visit. Mind you, she ate right before we left the house and we didn't even have to wait when we got to the office. When I get home from work she has to have her boob. Before I'm allowed to even kiss her daddy! I'd deprived her of it for too long while I was gone. And lately, after feeding her after work she then insists on being attached to it until she goes to bed around 10. I don't really let her be all latched on for 4-5 hours, but if she got her way I think she'd be all for it. As it is, she'll eat and an hour later whine that she needs more. I usually make her hold out an hour and a half to two hours. Mostly because I know the more I get into her before I try to go to sleep the better my chances are that she'll sleep all night.

Shortly though, I'm sure to see that look. That look that makes me say "I suppose you want your boob now" Not mommy's boob...no, it's her's.

Purpose to Life

We watched Julie & Julia this weekend and it got me to thinking about what sort of project I would want to take up. Ultimately I decided that I'm too ADD to figure it out. Since I was in high school (at least) I wanted to take excellent photos. However, a photography class was always in conflict with one of my many science classes. *side note - as a secretary I use that biology degree just all the time! ha! Actually I need to chase a rabbit here and mention that I don't actually have the degree officially. I still need to finish (read - retake) two 300 level biology/chemistry courses and then I need an art/music credit of sorts. Oh I took the music/art credit but apparently the college LOST the note from the dean stating that Jazz Ensemble credits would actually count for that particular requirement. Because, while I don't mind the actual taking of a course (photography would count!), it's the whole COST factor that bothers me. However, I'm one of those dishonest folks that tell people I have the degree, because seriously, I did 4 years of college, and I took all the classes I needed...I just happened to need to retake some classes as I did not pass with flying colors. Anyway, back to my ADD. So while a photography course has never been in the cards for me, photography itself has been. I take pictures all the time. Unfortunately, the composition of said photos is lacking. I have the damndest time getting folks centered or looking at the camera, or the shot turns out blurry. Or there's a penis in the photo. Whaaat? Ok...so I'm joking about that last one...although given my hubby's experience yesterday, we may have a male ghost in this house just exposing his poker into pictures. We'll see how often it happens. I had a conversation with an actual photographer once who told me that really the key to photography is to just take a LOT of pictures, and then only show people the good ones. The wonders of digital photography is that you can delete the bad ones. Ha! Love it. So, if that's the case, I guess I don't need the photography classes after all. I'll just keep taking loads of pictures and I should get some that turn out ok. Secretly, I always feel like I have a substandard camera and it must be the camera that's causing the problems with my photos. But realistically I have to admit to myself that the problem lies with the person behind the lense. Damn.

So, what next? Well if I was literal with the movie, I could take up cooking! But cooking doesn't appeal to me. I know the basics and if I want something fancy I have my hubby whip it up :) He's amazing in the kitchen. He makes entire meals out of nothing. I don't know how he does it. But I've enjoyed everything he's made. In fact, one of my favorite meals is one in which we basically had no food in the house and he threw together the random things we did have. Wha-la! Dinner. Yum.

Knitting? Well I do that already. It's relaxing. Usually. I have a tendency to be all ADD and miss the actual instructions in front of me and then get annoyed when 12 rounds later I realize what I did, have to take those 12 rounds out and redo it all. Then there's the 13 mo old yanking on the yarn or trying to put the entire project in her mouth. *sigh* Ok, so I do so love to knit, but it isn't as if I could write about my knitting journey or give anyone sensible instruction on it.

Travel? Sure! I love travel! And in fact the very few times I have traveled, and have then written about it, I've been told that I should do it for a living. But alas, it's hard to find someone else to pay for my travel. Not to mention that I would want to tote along my husband and babies. So, if anyone out there would like to pay for a family of four to jaunt about the world and write about it, I'm totally your girl, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Now, these are only a couple of things that have crossed my brain in th last day or two or three. If I were to go on about everything, I'm sure you'd think I was totally insane. So I suppose that in the end, I'll settle on doing my job (because I rather have to, in order to afford food and clothing and housing and all those things that are necessary for life), knitting when I can, and taking care of my family. Let's face it though...isn't taking care of your family the best purpose to life anyway?

Giraffes (and elephants)

Sometime soon after Boogins came home from the hospital, she was crying (as all babies tend to do) and Brian (the hubby and author of www.freshworms.blogspot.com) was attempting to soothe her. I'm not entirely sure how he stumbled across the giraffe song (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/giraffe/), but thank the Lord that he did! So while the song gets completely annoying and after about the 50th time you'd almost prefer to shoot yourself to hear the song again, it has been the sole solace to Boogins. No matter the reason for crying, this song seems to instantaneously stop all noise. Until she starts to giggle like Candace from Phineas & Ferb. But as that's an amusing, happy noise, we don't mind it so much. After a year of this diddy, it appears that even just clicking on the link and showing her the "buffering video" on the computer she settles down, for she KNOWS what's about to come out of the speakers! "There was a giraffe in my loft...I didn't invite it!" Over and over.

Well, the song isn't enough. For the crying, yes. However, Boogins has acquired many a giraffe in the year. She has a stuffed giraffe, giraffe rattle, giraffe towel, giraffe Halloween costume (gosh darn it she was ADORABLE!), etc.Daddy even wanted to paint the giraffe (the one from the song) on her walls in her bedroom. (as well as put a sign at the bottom of the garage/loft stairs that says "No Giraffes Plz. KThxBye") I'm all for it. Except...

So, here comes Annabelle. Poor little Duckins. Without any say in the matter, she has been relegated to liking elephants. For the giraffe brings his "elephant friends with him". Now, it doesn't appear that Annabelle has the same affinity to the song as Boogins does. However, I'm still on board with painting the giraffe and his elephant friends in their room. And in fact, I have gotten Annabelle a stuffed elephant and elephant rattle. Let's face it...elephants are cute too! (Boogins was almost, and I do repeat almost, as fascinated with the elephant at the zoo as she was with the giraffes) I'm kind of happy to report that this seems to be a theme of sorts anyway. At Babies-R-Us today, I saw quite a lot of giraffe/elephant bedding! Mostly in blue & green and slightly looking boy themed, but there was one pink/purple giraffe/elephant set, so girls can be all about it too. Then again, the babies' room will be done in light blue, green, white and brown, so it'd all work anyway! I found a cute collapsible box in green with a giraffe on it and I grabbed a plain blue one. I'm hoping that someone I know (be it me, the hubby or the graphic designer sister) can create an elephant head in the same manner as the giraffe, we can print it on iron-on transfer and put it on the blue box. I also got some cute ideas for lamp shades and light switch plates.

Anyway, that being said, I'm hopeful that Duckins will grow to love elephants the way Boogins loves giraffes. Either that or her memoir will be titled "Trampled by Elephants - How My Older Sister Always Got Her Way"

Background

I'm 31 years old and have two kids. Julie Marie (aka Boogins) who is 13 mo old and Annabelle Brisbane (aka Duckins) who is 2 mo old. I never planned on having the two so close together. Julie was born two months early, weighing in at 2 lb, 6 oz. So the idea of getting pregnant again was FAR FAR FAR from my mind. But then, when she was only 3 months old, I found out that I was pregnant with Annabelle. I called my OB's office crying, not knowing how we could possibly handle another baby. My OB (God love her) laughed hysterically as she confirmed the pregnancy. And now that Annabelle is here, my OB asks when we'll have the third (hoping for a boy). Ummm...not for a LONG LONG time if ever. We don't necessarily care to have a boy. I'd hoped that Annabelle was a boy when I found out I was pregnant, and in fact because the pregnancies were so very different I swore that she must have been. But, when we found out she was a girl that was rather a relief, as we had tons of girl stuff! No need to buy a whole new set of baby necessities in blue (as much of the stuff we currently had was pink...not necessarily on our own doing). Anyway. Sometime during Julie's hospital stay in the Special Care Nursery (she spent 5 weeks there just getting bigger) my husband went to pick her up and said "Come here you little Boogins" and it stuck. She's been Boogins ever since. Then when we found out I was pregnant with Annabelle we were thinking "what can we call this one?" and we happened to be watching NCIS and I said "Duckins" after Dr. "Ducky" Mallard. And now that Annabelle is here, we've found it to be quiet suiting, as she honks like a duck in her sleep. Turns out that might be related to a food allergy, but nonetheless, we will continue to call her Duckins. Or Annabelle. The whole thing...not shortened at all.

So, that's the basic background information. Now I must run after Boogins and feed Duckins. There shall be more hilarity in posts to follow I'm sure.