I had a realization this morning that my boobs are not my own. Sure, they're attached to me. I carry them around all day. Which, mind you, is not an easy task. I was ABUNDANTLY blessed in the boob department. I know there's that saying that you want what you can't have...so women with tiny boobs want huge boobs and women with huge boobs want tiny boobs. Yeah yeah...it's true. While I wouldn't want tiny boobs, I would like less boob. I've also had plenty of people tell me that if I lost weight the boobs would shrink. I have yet to see that happen! I'm blessed in that I've just had two babies and have lost like 70 pounds since the height of my weight gain with the first pregnancy (the heaviest I have ever been and never want to be again). Have my boobs shrunk? Not one iota. My bandwidth has shrunk by like 4 inches, but the boobs themselves still occupy the entire cup in full.
A week or two or three ago Rachel Ray had an episode dedicated to bras. Women that were considering breast augmentation came on and were fitted with a bra and suddenly none of them wanted surgery anymore! Mind you most of these ladies all wanted bigger boobs. With a good fitting bra, they didn't want/need surgery anymore. That was not so surprising. I can spot a bad bra from a mile away. Perhaps I should be a "bra whisperer" myself, as I'm so skilled at spotting bad fits and knowing just how to correct it. Not to mention that it is one of the tenants of my life that a good fitting bra, that a sexy looking bra, can give any woman a major confidence boost. You could be wearing a nun's attire and still feel sexy if you're wearing a red lacy bra. Rachel did have one woman on that wanted a breast reduction. The surprising factor here was that after her bra fit she felt fine with her boobs and no longer wanted a reduction. Bullshit is all I have to say to that. Now, she was a good two cup sizes smaller than me, and perhaps she felt she could deal with it. But having carried around these jugs for 20 years (granted they weren't this large for the whole time) I can attest that no bra out there would make me want to keep lugging them around for another 20 years. The problem with that idea lies in the ability to find and afford a bra that fits. Especially nursing bras!
And this is where my problem really reared it's head. When I was free of lactation, my bras fit. They weren't easy to find...in fact I've only found one store that has bras that fit me well and aren't $900 each. They're $40. I suppose this isn't ridiculous, it's possibly quite reasonable. Except when you see bras in Walmart for $10. Oh to have tiny boobs that don't need Fort Knox type support and storm flag sized bolts of fabric to make. Now that I'm feeding a small human with my boobs, I've found it necessary to find a nursing bra with even a small amount of support. What I've found however has been a bizarre inverse situation. It appears that the larger your boobs are the less support you need in the nursing bra category. Women with tiny boobs can have wires and full coverage and a variety of colors! Women with huge boobs have the option of a sports bra type ordeal that comes in L, XL type sizes. I'm sorry, but when your chest is 3x sized, no flimsy piece of fabric is gonna do anything for you! Especially if the cups just have a wrap style to them. "Hey stranger! I'm bending over! Here's a boob for your viewing pleasure!" Yeah. It's pretty pointless even for sleeping in.
Thank God for http://www.ebay.com/ though! Because just sticking in a google search for your bra size yields an insane cacophany of websites that don't even offer your actual size. Frustrating much? But with eBay, you can put in your bra size and their search will actually yield results with your size! Amazing. My only suggestion though is to be advised if you're an American and ordering a bra from England. If you think you'll have full coverage...it's best to order the next cup size up. I found that out the hard way, although amusing. It turns out to be too strenuous to return the bra, so the hubby and I have dubbed it my porn bra. It's only for home use, because it's very pretty, but not supportive and well, the demi portion of it BARELY covers my nipple. The lacy part above that (making it "full coverage") sort of makes me have quad boob, which I find annoying, but Brian says makes him feel like he's sleeping with Billie Piper. I hope that's a good thing! However, after the British Bra of Porn, I went back to eBay and found a Medela bra (which I couldn't even find on the Medela website - at least in my size) with wide straps and an underwire and full coverage and I'm giddy with excitement for it's arrival. It's still flesh colored and boring, but at this point, if it fits and is remotely supportive I will dance in the street. For that will at least make me feel a little like these things attached to me can be managed.
Now, back to where this post began in the first place. (Wow, I just might have an ADD problem afterall!) These things on the front of me aren't mine. They belong to the three other people in the house and my sister. I'll start with the strangest one first...my sister. She's two and a half years younger than me, but quite a bit taller. However, my boobs are her personal pillows. Whenever we get together we hug and her head goes right to the boobs. Apparently they're just the cuddliest. Then there's my husband. Do I really need to ellaborate there? Then Boogins...she never found them useful, she refused to breastfeed, but instead has found boobs to be for entertainment. Granted she finds all boobs fun, not just mine. She motorboats them, pulls down shirts to see them, etc. Ah, our little lesbian. (yes, we joke...but if she turns out to be, we'll love her and be fine with it) Mostly though, at least for the moment, my boobs belong to Annabelle. Do not try to tell her otherwise. She will fight you and she will win. She might be tiny, but do not mess with her when it comes to her boobs. We went to the pediatrician for her 2 month baby well check and she stared at my boobs for half of the visit. Mind you, she ate right before we left the house and we didn't even have to wait when we got to the office. When I get home from work she has to have her boob. Before I'm allowed to even kiss her daddy! I'd deprived her of it for too long while I was gone. And lately, after feeding her after work she then insists on being attached to it until she goes to bed around 10. I don't really let her be all latched on for 4-5 hours, but if she got her way I think she'd be all for it. As it is, she'll eat and an hour later whine that she needs more. I usually make her hold out an hour and a half to two hours. Mostly because I know the more I get into her before I try to go to sleep the better my chances are that she'll sleep all night.
Shortly though, I'm sure to see that look. That look that makes me say "I suppose you want your boob now" Not mommy's boob...no, it's her's.
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